I've been taking antidepressants for about 40 years. I've tried a great many of them, and I blamed myself for feeling they were not helping me. As far as suicidal ideation, the joke goes that anyone who has NOT contemplated suicide has not considered all the options.
I'm on good terms with my Primary Care Physician, and I've asked him why all the medications that could make you feel better are illegal. I would love to try ketamine or psylocibin or mescaline or bufotoxin. One of my areas of ignorance is that I have no idea how to find a pusher. Talk about socially awkward!
There is hope... out here in the Pacific Northwest, restrictions on psychedelic substances are starting to lift, but I spoke to the head shrink at the hospital where I get my medical treatment and she told me that there was no chance that Virginia Mason Hospital would ever have a psychedelic study under their roof. How nice for her.